Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
