My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
