I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
