? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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