Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
