I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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