My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
