i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
