Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
