i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
