either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I skipped work to stalk him.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
