I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
