i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
