soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
