so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have feelings that need drinking.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
