Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
