Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
