you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
