I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
