I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
