I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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