the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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