WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
