"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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