I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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