You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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