Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
