dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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