if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
