we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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