i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
