I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
