And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
