You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
