i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
