Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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