You really coming over, don't trick.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
