you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
