I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
