Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
