Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
