areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
