i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
