In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
