I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
