he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
