How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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