he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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