I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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