roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
