she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
