The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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