a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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