this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
