ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
