can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
