dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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